So friendship controversy.
At what point do you say to someone you care deeply about "I think I need to move on or re-evaluate why we are friends?"
The hardest part is when you really care about someone and have a whole friendship invested for a long period of time and then stuff starts to fall apart. Suppose you know someone or you think you know them well and then all of a sudden they do a 180 on you?
You've always seen them as a Christian and they always acted like one and then, with no warning, they say "Christianity isn't where it's at, I'm going to go off the deep end into total worldly territory instead and then call you a mean-spirited, moralistic jerk for not jumping into that deep end with me."
Yeah.
Sorry, but I've been at the edge of that diving board and looked over...and you know what? There's no water in that pool. None. It's just a long dive into a solid concrete bottom.
And nothing makes me more angry than being told I'm the problem because of my morals, ethics, values, and beliefs.
I'm loving. I'm tolerant. I do my very best to be the way the Lord asks me to be, putting my neighbor before myself and leaving judgment up to Him. I'm not perfect, I mess up often. Thank God that Jesus can cover up those mistakes for me. I'm not about to leave that surety to chase someone into whatever unfortunate pursuit they think suits them better than the the one they used to lead back when God meant something to them.
So when this happens, when friends don't just leave the fold, but race headfirst into hell, what does one do?
When you're being made to look like the bad person because you don't accept societal norms and you hold your ground on Christian beliefs, what do you say?
Do you bother to stick around in the friendship or do you realize it is time to let go?
I don't know. I'm not a quitter, but I don't see this one recovering...not if the things that are currently taking place continue.
I think I'm ready to throw in the towel. I think I have to.
It makes me sick.
But there is a part of me that wonders if once I do cut this tie...will the relief of not having it weigh on me every day be so enormous that I will have no regrets at all other than the one sad bit of knowledge that this person is giving up on their soul to follow earthly entertainment?
How do you weigh the 'what has been' up against the 'what is now'?
I just don't know.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Men and Whining. Why?
Why is it that the women I know just get stuff done no matter how they feel, what the weather is, if their back hurts, despite not having extra snacks, and without whining?
Whereas the men I know are complete babies who make me want to strangle them with their moaning and groaning and wasting my time with nonsense.
Ugh.
That is all. Post over.
Whereas the men I know are complete babies who make me want to strangle them with their moaning and groaning and wasting my time with nonsense.
Ugh.
That is all. Post over.
Today - Bleh
Today is really shaping up to be lame right now. I can't even explain the extent of the lameness, but honestly...ugh.
First of all, three guys I totally respect and look up to as awesome, enlightened, decent men dropped the ball in my opinion by championing a gross, debasing photo-spread with the Glee stars in GQ magazine, because, and I quote "It was smokin"
Meh.
It always hurts when some of your moral compass people let you down like that. I'm blue about it.
Especially one of them, who I REALLY seriously and constantly look up to as a person who is beyond that sort of male pattern garbage. So, thus...meh and bleh today.
It is probably my fault for holding them up the standard that I did, but I don't know. Shouldn't someone holding you up to a standard of greatness be a compliment to you? It would be a compliment to me. Perhaps I'm just being unreasonable, because after all, enjoying GQ is probably hardwired into a guy's psyche. I'm sort of baffled though. And sad. Moving on.
There is other stuff too, that I can't get into. Let's just call it...Friend Weirdness and Confusion.
I hate F.W.A.C. It completely screws things up for me until it gets resolved. I just hope this all gets resolved soon.
So, meh again.
In other news, I am sure that I'm having a massive installment of baby hormones today which is, I'm positive, contributing to the general feeling of insanity/anxiety/anger/grumpiness. I am not fit to be around polite society at all. Put me behind the wheel of a car right now and I'd run over bambi's mother if she got in the way. I caught my reflection in the dining room mirror a little while ago and practically had a nervous breakdown over the size of my baby bump. If it is this big now, what on earth will I look like in a month? By March? I'll be as big as a conversion van. Why am I so much bigger with this baby? Normally this would not freak me out, but today I am coasting along in a sea of mismatched serotonin levels. Meh is very quickly turning into something far more sinister and frightening. I cannot wait until Rory gets home because he is usually my equilibrium restorer.
This is so bad. I'm getting more psycho as I type this. I feel like someone should be locking me into a basement jail cell, like the wolfman during a full moon, until whatever this is passes. I think it might be best if I just stay off of facebook for the rest of the day because I am liable to sail into my three guy friends like Joan of Arc with an automatic weapon filled with poison bullets. It. Is. That. Bad.
Oh wait, to top it off, I'm having super-massive, highly colorful migraine auras today. Everywhere I look is full of bright sparks zipping all over and I feel like I'm as some sick, soundless fireworks display that I can't leave or escape.
Ugh. It is just a bad day all around. Meh to the tenth power.
First of all, three guys I totally respect and look up to as awesome, enlightened, decent men dropped the ball in my opinion by championing a gross, debasing photo-spread with the Glee stars in GQ magazine, because, and I quote "It was smokin"
Meh.
It always hurts when some of your moral compass people let you down like that. I'm blue about it.
Especially one of them, who I REALLY seriously and constantly look up to as a person who is beyond that sort of male pattern garbage. So, thus...meh and bleh today.
It is probably my fault for holding them up the standard that I did, but I don't know. Shouldn't someone holding you up to a standard of greatness be a compliment to you? It would be a compliment to me. Perhaps I'm just being unreasonable, because after all, enjoying GQ is probably hardwired into a guy's psyche. I'm sort of baffled though. And sad. Moving on.
There is other stuff too, that I can't get into. Let's just call it...Friend Weirdness and Confusion.
I hate F.W.A.C. It completely screws things up for me until it gets resolved. I just hope this all gets resolved soon.
So, meh again.
In other news, I am sure that I'm having a massive installment of baby hormones today which is, I'm positive, contributing to the general feeling of insanity/anxiety/anger/grumpiness. I am not fit to be around polite society at all. Put me behind the wheel of a car right now and I'd run over bambi's mother if she got in the way. I caught my reflection in the dining room mirror a little while ago and practically had a nervous breakdown over the size of my baby bump. If it is this big now, what on earth will I look like in a month? By March? I'll be as big as a conversion van. Why am I so much bigger with this baby? Normally this would not freak me out, but today I am coasting along in a sea of mismatched serotonin levels. Meh is very quickly turning into something far more sinister and frightening. I cannot wait until Rory gets home because he is usually my equilibrium restorer.
This is so bad. I'm getting more psycho as I type this. I feel like someone should be locking me into a basement jail cell, like the wolfman during a full moon, until whatever this is passes. I think it might be best if I just stay off of facebook for the rest of the day because I am liable to sail into my three guy friends like Joan of Arc with an automatic weapon filled with poison bullets. It. Is. That. Bad.
Oh wait, to top it off, I'm having super-massive, highly colorful migraine auras today. Everywhere I look is full of bright sparks zipping all over and I feel like I'm as some sick, soundless fireworks display that I can't leave or escape.
Ugh. It is just a bad day all around. Meh to the tenth power.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Unpopular Opinion I'm Sure
In light of the recent media coverage regarding the rash of suicides due to bullying I feel like I need to get something off my chest. I know it is not going to be well received, but then again...I'm a conservative Christian. It is a daily occurrence that something I say or think would not be well received. I have quite a few liberal friends, and very often they are the ones who attack me without provocation for my beliefs. I put up with it gracefully, because I don't deem it my job to beat them over the head with my beliefs. When they ask me outright I tell them what I think, and I will defend my position when attacked, but for the most part I am fairly easy going and non-confrontational.
HOWEVER
A thought keeps bubbling up the surface lately which I cannot push back down and this is it:
At what point does a person get off the hook for killing themselves simply because some other people were hurting their feelings?
I'm going to say another unpopular thing right now.
The people who killed themselves weren't just victims, they were murderers. They killed a human being. Ok, it was themselves, BUT that doesn't make it alright. We live in a country of touchy-feely, utterly helpful, completely compassionate suicide hotline operators, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, civil liberties advocates, and support groups. There is no way not even one of these options was available to the people being bullied. In addition to all these helpful groups there are lawyers, police, campus security etc... There are ways to deal with obnoxious, evil hearted, vile people without ending your life. And I certainly believe the people who were bullying them were horrendous and disgusting blights on society. Bullying is a despicable thing to do. I was bullied extensively throughout middle school. My belongings were smashed and stolen, I was verbally and physically harassed, there were prank phone calls, false rumors, and written notes full of hateful things. I cried every day. I begged my parents to send me to another school. I refused to go on the 8th grade trip where I would more or less be left to the wolves for an entire weekend. I lived, ate, and breathed the fear of being bullied for months.
But what I didn't do was kill myself or anyone else.
And don't think I didn't consider it. Please. One of my favorite things to think about was coming to school with a gun and shooting my tormentors. I'm serious, I really thought about that often. You wonder how someone can get to the point where they can believe that the abuse won't stop without violence? Try eight months of continuous horror. I could have killed them. I could have killed myself.
BUT I DIDN'T DO IT.
I knew it was wrong. I knew killing myself was wrong too, and I also knew that 8th grade doesn't last forever. And you know what? I was right. It didn't. I lived through it and came out the other side as a better person. I'm a person who will always stand up for the little guy, who will stop in my tracks to help someone in need, rescue a stray dog, comfort a crying child, and I will never put up with watching a person bully someone else.
I feel like these teens did the wrong thing. They cheated themselves out of life. They don't get off the hook for that in my book. Their tormentors certainly shouldn't get off the hook either. The psychological torture they inflicted on these kids should not go unpunished. What they did was beyond the pale of wrong. Every person on this planet deserves love and respect no matter what because that is what GOD asks of us.
I'm just saying that you don't get a free ticket to murder yourself just because you are bullied. You are shouldered with responsibility for ending your life. You didn't have to do it. You chose to do it. You forewent all other possible options and cut your own life short. I can't stand behind that. And, if you really think about it, the bullies won. They are still here, being awful, and you are wiped off the planet. Goal achieved for them. The thing they hated is gone. Now they'll just have to find someone else to terrify.
Talk about a lose/lose situation. Sigh.
I just wish, for the sake of those that loved them, for the sake of their very souls, that they had not chosen death over the myriad of assistance available to them. It is sad, and it is horrible, and it is irreversible. Who knows what amazing lives they might have led and what bright lights have forever been cut off? What discoveries will never be discovered because they decided killing themselves was their best option? Hurt feelings are not worth dying over. I know it personally. I've lived through the bullying. I just wish they had.
HOWEVER
A thought keeps bubbling up the surface lately which I cannot push back down and this is it:
At what point does a person get off the hook for killing themselves simply because some other people were hurting their feelings?
I'm going to say another unpopular thing right now.
The people who killed themselves weren't just victims, they were murderers. They killed a human being. Ok, it was themselves, BUT that doesn't make it alright. We live in a country of touchy-feely, utterly helpful, completely compassionate suicide hotline operators, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, civil liberties advocates, and support groups. There is no way not even one of these options was available to the people being bullied. In addition to all these helpful groups there are lawyers, police, campus security etc... There are ways to deal with obnoxious, evil hearted, vile people without ending your life. And I certainly believe the people who were bullying them were horrendous and disgusting blights on society. Bullying is a despicable thing to do. I was bullied extensively throughout middle school. My belongings were smashed and stolen, I was verbally and physically harassed, there were prank phone calls, false rumors, and written notes full of hateful things. I cried every day. I begged my parents to send me to another school. I refused to go on the 8th grade trip where I would more or less be left to the wolves for an entire weekend. I lived, ate, and breathed the fear of being bullied for months.
But what I didn't do was kill myself or anyone else.
And don't think I didn't consider it. Please. One of my favorite things to think about was coming to school with a gun and shooting my tormentors. I'm serious, I really thought about that often. You wonder how someone can get to the point where they can believe that the abuse won't stop without violence? Try eight months of continuous horror. I could have killed them. I could have killed myself.
BUT I DIDN'T DO IT.
I knew it was wrong. I knew killing myself was wrong too, and I also knew that 8th grade doesn't last forever. And you know what? I was right. It didn't. I lived through it and came out the other side as a better person. I'm a person who will always stand up for the little guy, who will stop in my tracks to help someone in need, rescue a stray dog, comfort a crying child, and I will never put up with watching a person bully someone else.
I feel like these teens did the wrong thing. They cheated themselves out of life. They don't get off the hook for that in my book. Their tormentors certainly shouldn't get off the hook either. The psychological torture they inflicted on these kids should not go unpunished. What they did was beyond the pale of wrong. Every person on this planet deserves love and respect no matter what because that is what GOD asks of us.
I'm just saying that you don't get a free ticket to murder yourself just because you are bullied. You are shouldered with responsibility for ending your life. You didn't have to do it. You chose to do it. You forewent all other possible options and cut your own life short. I can't stand behind that. And, if you really think about it, the bullies won. They are still here, being awful, and you are wiped off the planet. Goal achieved for them. The thing they hated is gone. Now they'll just have to find someone else to terrify.
Talk about a lose/lose situation. Sigh.
I just wish, for the sake of those that loved them, for the sake of their very souls, that they had not chosen death over the myriad of assistance available to them. It is sad, and it is horrible, and it is irreversible. Who knows what amazing lives they might have led and what bright lights have forever been cut off? What discoveries will never be discovered because they decided killing themselves was their best option? Hurt feelings are not worth dying over. I know it personally. I've lived through the bullying. I just wish they had.
Idea for Best Job Ever
Recent events have helped me to come up with an idea for the best job ever.
Without further ado, here it is:
I want to be the person who gets to tell couples who have been longing for a child that the bloodwork results are positive and that they are going to finally become a family.
It's a great idea, isn't it? My official title could be The Glad Tidings of Great Joy Bringer. I could do it as simply as call them on the phone and let them know the amazing news, OR I could show up at their house like a Seraph with trumpets and and announce it with total fanfare.
Could any job bring anyone more happiness? Honestly, in what other profession would you jump out of bed every morning and say "This is going to be the best day ever!" It wouldn't matter if it was raining, or if I had a headache, or if someone ate all the good cereal. It would still be the best day ever.
There. That's my idea. What do you think?
Without further ado, here it is:
I want to be the person who gets to tell couples who have been longing for a child that the bloodwork results are positive and that they are going to finally become a family.
It's a great idea, isn't it? My official title could be The Glad Tidings of Great Joy Bringer. I could do it as simply as call them on the phone and let them know the amazing news, OR I could show up at their house like a Seraph with trumpets and and announce it with total fanfare.
Could any job bring anyone more happiness? Honestly, in what other profession would you jump out of bed every morning and say "This is going to be the best day ever!" It wouldn't matter if it was raining, or if I had a headache, or if someone ate all the good cereal. It would still be the best day ever.
There. That's my idea. What do you think?
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