Shark Jumpers Anonymous

Hello Kids, today we are going to look at few celebrity shark-jumpers. Hooray! In case you wondering what a Shark Jumper is, the phrase was coined after the episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumped a shark on his motorcycle. It basically means the moment things got too wacky and went too far and exceeded all good sense. One second you are a celebrity and the next you are a punch line, thus, you have jumped the shark.

1. Gwyneth Paltro jumped the shark when: She named her baby girl 'Apple'. There is a certain arrogance and attitude of superiority that goes with naming your unfortunate little girl after a piece of fruit. And don't blame this on Chris either. Everyone knows once labor starts all bets are off in the name game. You could have 'Peter Alexander' all picked out prior to transition and then during a particularly evil contraction the woman might start shrieking "We're naming him Phelonius Aardvark the Third!" and there is nothing the father can do. The poor kid is stuck with Phelonius Aardvark forever. So, yes, Gwyneth is to blame and over the shark she goes.

2. Madonna jumped the shark when: She married a Brit, moved to London and started talking in a weird faux English accent. Ever since then she has been jumping the shark on a daily basis. It's worse now that she's in her fifties. At this point even her body is trying to tell to her to stop. She's gotten all sinewy and horrible and truly should never ever ever wear underwear as outerwear in public again. Dear Madonna, it is time to get off the motorcycle and leave the extreme oceanic water sports to Lady Gaga. You are scaring me with your visible tendons everywhere.

3. Paris Hilton jumped the shark when: She was born. They named her Paris. Wheeeeee! Infant Shark Jumping at its best. Then she continued shark jumping her whole life because it was all she knew how to do. Hopefully at some point the shark will eat her.

4. Michael Stipe jumped the shark when: He appeared at the MTV VMA's looking like a holocaust victim with giant caterpillars pasted over his eyes. Dear Stipe, eat something. Please. Have second helpings.

5. Stephenie Meyer jumped the shark when: She named Bella's baby Renesmee. UM. Yeah. I really LIKE Stephenie Meyer, but I'm still shaking my head at "Renesmee". In fact, I felt like quite a bit of Breaking Dawn was sort of odd and didn't fit with the rest of the series. I want to love it, I feel like I should love it, but the truth is I don't. It's ok. So, whoosh, over the shark with her.

So there you have it. Five shark jumpers to enjoy on this fine Saturday morning. The Fonz would be so proud.